Connections

Jeremy could not understand why he failed to truly connect with others. He thought he was pleasant and accommodating. Certainly polite. Yet people ignored him. Even the other members of his bowling team seldom addressed him.
He sat in his living room feeling isolated and unappreciated. He stared at his furniture and sighed. Perhaps this was his fate--alone in a crowd.
Dinner time came and he heated up a bowl of stew and poured some Diet Pepsi into a large cup. He opened a trap door to his basement, flicked on the light and slowly descended.
In the middle of the floor, Mallory sat tied to a chair. Jeremy put down the food and removed her gag. He ruffled her hair and she spit at him, but he dodged it.
Come on, Mal. I bring you dinner and this is how you respond? Open wide. This is nutrition. Must maintain your strength.I brought you Pepsi.
Mallory swallowed and burped. Jeremy reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of Tums. He held one up in front of her.
The least you could do is give me a smile.

Young People

Young people complain about everything under the sun. Clothes that don't fit, diets that don't work, traffic jams, bad smells, tech breakdowns, impossible bosses and co-workers, nosy parents, friends that don't answer texts, bad haircuts, etc.
Me? I'm retired. My parents are deceased. I live alone with low expectations. I hum during traffic jams and sleep on public transportation. My clothes are loose and comfortable, my haircuts last three minutes.
Some years ago I decided there would be less stress in my life if I took crap. That's what I've been doing--taking crap from everyone. I never defend myself. I just nod and walk away. As long as I can hit the gym and remember important stuff, I'm fine.
Pass the mustard, please. Okay, don't. I'll get it myself. Have a great day.

Stuff

Lupita asked Rolando, where's your stuff? He shrugged. I loaned it to Tom for his work on Human #404. She bristled, we are supposed to explore on Human #321. If you have your stuff, he responded, we don't need mine.
Lupita punched him. What if mine doesn't function? Explain that to Steven. He'll be all over us. Might even throw down a suspension.
Look, he said, Tom is new at this. They probably gave him sub par stuff.
Well, let's get started.She removed her follicle detector from a bag. She adjusted a few switches and pressed some buttons. They traversed #321's scalp seeking hair follicles. What good were lice without hair?
Tom was getting frustrated on #404. Not a single follicle. But he did discover a giant carbuncle above the left ear. A lot of good that did him. No, that was a target for mosquito surveillance.

Screening Process

Hugo had money, but no friends. So he decided to screen applicants for his inner circle.
Barney the bear was too folksy. Alice was too nervous from her trip to Wonderland. Dorothy was delusional with strange dreams of a place called Oz. Little Red Riding hood was way too juvenile. Wimpy Kid was too wimpy, Bugs Bunny sprayed too much saliva. Winnie the Pooh hugged him a little too long. Tony Soprano scared him. The Little Mermaid splashed all over. Googy was too goofy.
Dilbert was someone he felt comfortable with a nd Lucy was bossy, but he liked bossy.
Now he needed a wife. Only one woman fit the bill. Elvira, Queen of the Night. He craved women in black with lots of eye makeup.