Dracula was getting impatient. His watch said 315 PM. Five more hours until daylight. His idiot caretaker insisted on leaving his coffin in the living room with the TV on.
Dr. Phil was a blowhard. Ellen was silly and immature. He knew all of Rachel Ray's recipes. Got annoyed at soap operas. Judge Judy scared him. So did the women on The View.
He was consumed with nightfall and blood. His caretaker sometimes played music. Metallica, Radiohead, Connie Francis and Barry Manilow. Dracula especially enjoyed the Andy Williams Christmas album.
But the days dragged to the point he wished he weren't the un-dead.He wondered what blood type Dr. Phil was. The only real celebrity he'd bitten, bit him right back. It was Dick Cheney. Dracula respected that man. How could he not?
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