Abe

Abe was at the door. Joe knew he had to answer. Abe was a fellow writer who had certain ideas. Abe charged inside and paced the floor. Joe sat in his recliner, eyes closed.
Abe was obsessed with female fairy tale characters. Empowering them. Snow White, Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Sleeping Beauty.
He remade Anne of Green Gables into a mixed martial arts expert who beat up farm boys for fun. Joe was disgusted, but didn't like creating scenes.
The worse part was Abe's insistence they do play acting. Abe would be the bad guy and Joe the avenging female. Kick Ass Cinderella. Beat Down Snow White. Last week he forced Joe into a mermaid's outfit. He saw The Little Mermaid machine gunning drug smugglers on their boat.
Joe, Abe said, I conceived of a new take on Frozen. The sisters are government trained assassins.
I brought both costumes. Your choice--pink or violet?
Joe grimaced. Actually, the violet brought out the blue in his eyes.
Hand it over, he said.

Playground

This exhibit was located within a fenced area. Parents and kids could stand outside and peer in. Actor kids played marbles, flipped baseball cards, bounced a Spaldeen, played tag and hide and seek, lined up for Buck Buck, flew around on roller skates, grabbed the monkey bars, see saw, and slid down a slid. They soared to the sky on swings.
What is all this stuff, children asked their parents.
It's called playing, was the answer.
But where are their phones?
No phones. Just playing.
You did all this?
We sure did. And you know what? We were happy.

Gladness

We will begin our project in gladness. We will build an extraordinary gazebo, one for the ages. We will dance and sing around this edifice.
Three weeks later, we were at each other's throats. Our big mistake was bringing in an engineer from NY, Ken. No one understood his schematic. Eventually, the gazebo tilted, the roof leaked and a strange smell came from the materials. Dogs peed on it. Ken screamed at volunteers. Nothing was coming together and he was blaming us. The whole mess was an eyesore. We fired Ken.
The town was distraught. Gladness had disappeared.
Then someone pointed to the sky. A figure drifted down from the clouds, holding an open umbrella. He touched down, closed the umbrella and walked to us.He examined the ruined structure.
I see you have a problem, he said. Nothing is going to get done unless you get hopping. Follow my lead and I will help you build the most elegant gazebo in existence.
A child asked, who are you, sir?
I am a certified engineer.
But what is your name, sir?
My name, dear child, is Mariano Poppins.
Now let's get to work. Spit spot!!

Pitch Perfect

Rocky came up with hip hop/opera as a music genre. People scoffed. He was not deterred. He found Antonio on line at Opera Is Us. But no hip hop artists wanted anything to do with this. Their street cred would be destroyed.
 Rocky found an obscure website containing Austrian hip hop artists. Gregor came with 15 clogg dancers. In NY another problem surfaced. Gregor could only perform in Polish. Over dubbing attempts produced chaos. Plus, neith performer got along. They once fell to the floor wrestling. Rocky, inspired, recorded the grunts and obsenities right into the master tape.
Vince McMahon, President of WWF, decided to use it as their anthem. Sales skyrocketed. When he heard the recording in his car raio, famed producer Clive Davis had a stroke and crashed into an In and Out Burger, ironically Pavarotti's favorite establishment in this country. The clogg dancers are on a 25 city tour.

Mt. Everest

Here I am almost at the peak of Mt. Everest. Why have I stopped? Because there are 88 climbers ahead of me waiting to reach the summit. Instead of seeing a vast vista of awesome beauty, I'm staring at the butt of Maury Fishbein of Westchester, the guy in front of me.
I could be home have coffee and a bagel, he whines. We may as well be climbing Pike's Peak.
I was dissatisfied with my academic career, so I decided to challenge myself. I hired Reggie from discount Sherpas R Us and he quit on me 5000 feet ago. You get what you pay for.
I think we're moving.
Move your ass, Maury!

Differing Opinions

I say frack until the cows come home. Fracking makes us energy independent, not held hostage to all those cranky Middle Eastern dictatorships. Environmentalists warn of future problems. Our children will suffer down the line.
Who cares? I don't have kids. Let them fend for themselves as adults like the rest of us. Do they give a damn about me when I'm sucking up asbestos in some nursing home, lying there mumbling nonsense?
I want my gas price low, so I can cruise around aimlessly all day until dinner.
I differ with others on many topics. Who ordered a reboot of Full House? Why are 40 year old Backstreet Boys back together touring? Why are hipsters wearing Converse sneakers?

Stop picking on Nancy Pelosi, who could be your grandmother.

Blind Love

Maury looked at Millie, his wife.
What is that thing growing out of your neck?
I don't know. I'm glad after all these years, you still look at me.
Maybe it's a tumor.
Would you care, Maury?
Of course I would. Now it's pulsing and changing color. I hope our insurance covers this.
What should we do?
Emergency room. Let them run tests.
Oh dear, how can you love someone with a growth this big?
Love is blind, my dear. Hurry and get dressed. That thing is beginning to smell.
After all these years you still find me smell worth. I love you so much.
Jesus, what is that white stuff leaking out? This thing is challenging my devotion.
Maybe it's another breast.
I think it's aiming at me.

The Cough

Steve had a horrible cough that appeared out of nowhere. His career was threatened because he couldn't give presentations. He went to noted ENT surgeon Dr. Knausbaum, who ordered a series of tests.
He found Steve had two pairs of tonsils, one behind the other. He suggested surgery. Steve realized he had no choice.
He was given general anesthesia. When the doctor went in, within seconds he heard a fainat, but clear wailing. "My child! My Child! Please don't take my child!"
The larger tonsils swelled up and grew red, pulsing visibly.
The surgeon immediately ceased the operation. A mother's love reigns over any cough. Steve would have to live with this. A less ethical doctor might just snip away. Not me, he explained to the stunned team.
I will tell him, and if he coughs in my face, I won't be offended.

The Pres

The entire cabinet sighed. The Secretary of the Interior said, We surrender, Mr. President. Whatever you say, we'll support."
The President smiled and nodded. "Reason will always win out. Thinking outside the box is what is needed. Using Alaska as a refuge for illegals is the way to go. Send the bastards up there, let them learn real skills like ice fishing, bear hunting and pipeline work. We need that oil."
He cleared his throat. "We'll get the kids warm clothing and mitts. Global warming my ass. When Burger King offers Veggie burgers, that's when we'll see it. Reminds me, I've got the munchies."

Lunch

Marty ran into Carol on his morning walk and they hugged. It had been so long. Let's have lunch and catch up, he suggested. Carol agreed. But where? I know a private spot where the food is excellent.
They had a terrific lunch and shared memories. Engorged, they promised to meet again soon.
Joe woke up and felt a dull pain on the top of his head. He reached up and touched a bump.
Damn spiders. I need to spray this whole house. People are going to ask about it. I'll have to wear a hat or they'll think I have lice or cooties. Believe me, I know the difference.
I hate insects.