Tow Truck

 I fell off a tow truck. Happy? You feel superior? This is actually the second tow truck I've fallen from, possibly a record .How? Very simple. Once the truck stopped so I could get $125 from the ATM to pay the driver, I got out of the passenger side of my car. I couldn't ride in the cab because his trainee daughter was with him.

I walked to the edge of the flatbed, calculated the drop and figured this was a cinch. Money in the bank. I took a step, kept going down, landed wtong, wound up sprawled in the middle of the street, blocking traffic. The driver looked down at me and said, I thought you were man enough. His daughter shook her head in disgust.

I got to my feet as he kept asking if I was okay. He admitted he was worried about a lawsuit. I told him I was a little sore, but fine. I got the money, we dropped off the car at Honda and I declined his offer to drive me home.

Turned out, the problem was a worn out key that no longer connected with the computer. New key--$231. I am beginning to wonder if there really is a beneficent God.

Library Farce

Note to the idiot who sends out emails announcing the library is now open. I park, put fifty cents into the meter, walk inside and all I see is yellow tape blocking off everything. The young guy behind the desk steps out as I stand there befuddled.

What do you want? he asks. I tell him about the email. He informs me one cannot browse, read, bssically only order a book and they'll get it for you. I tell him none of that was indicated in the message. He says he'll look into it.

I am fed up. Five months, every day hot, humid, they sit inside in air conditioning doing nothing, a paid vacation. Shut it down, save electricity. As a taxpayer I am disgusted. Tattoo parlors, casinos, salons are open. Libraries and gyms remain closed. Ridiculous.

Women and Dogs

 Please stop talking to your dogs like they are children. Stop chastising, praising, discussing general topics in parks. You are embarrassing yourself. I know people talk to turtles and lizards, probably out of boredom. Dogs, however, because they live with people, can easily begin to believe they are just as important as real kids.

If you hug your mutt, ladies, limit it to ten seconds tops. Obviously, do not kiss said animal, even if it's a puppy. You're only asking for trouble as the dog ages.

Men do not speak to their dogs except to yell Fetch! Men are evolved, while women are driving civilization backward. Cease.

Do not bring up man buns in this discussion. They scare me too.