Please stop talking to your dogs like they are children. Stop chastising, praising, discussing general topics in parks. You are embarrassing yourself. I know people talk to turtles and lizards, probably out of boredom. Dogs, however, because they live with people, can easily begin to believe they are just as important as real kids.
If you hug your mutt, ladies, limit it to ten seconds tops. Obviously, do not kiss said animal, even if it's a puppy. You're only asking for trouble as the dog ages.
Men do not speak to their dogs except to yell Fetch! Men are evolved, while women are driving civilization backward. Cease.
Do not bring up man buns in this discussion. They scare me too.
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