Evacuation

Last hurricane I got lucky. We draw scraps of paper to decide who will take which animals to safety. I work at the Essex County Zoo. Last time I drew the turtles. A slam dunk. Put them in a large cushioned box, placed it on the back seat of my car and took off for points west, away from the eye. Not this time. I drew seals and walruses. Great. How to transport them? Ideally, a vehicle carrying a pool on a flatbed. No such thing exists and if it did, the Bronx Zoo would get preference.
So I rented a school bus. There was no time to prevaricate. My assistant Morey worked his tail off herding these flopping beasts into that bus. You never heard such whining from a guy who's supposed to like animals. I'm no bus driver and that continuous honking was driving my nuts. None of them would stay in their seats. Morey had them toss a ball around, but we had to feed them fish every few minutes.
It figures I get lost looking for route 78 and we wind up in West Orange, where I immediately hit a pothole and blow out a tire. Now we have to unload them right on Main Street so I can replace the tire. Of course as soon as they slither out of the bus they take off in different directions. Morey throws up his arms in despair and heads for the nearest bar. Eventually police rounded them up, ticketed us for causing a disturbance and warned us to stay away in the future.
At some point we ran out of fish and fed them corn chips and sausage patties. Hey, food is food, right? We finally reached a lake out in west Jersey and let them out to swim awhile. The all clear came soon afterwards. The next day I was feeling darn good about things. All of the animals were safe. I kind of expected a bonus. I get a call to race over to the circular seals and walrus area. It wasn't pretty. They were projectile vomiting the corn chips and sausage at the crowd. Sensitive stomachs I guess. When the people saw me they surged in my direction, seething. "But we all love these creatures, don't we?" I exclaimed. A walrus honked in disdain. I was hit in the head with a fish, ran back to my office and locked the door.
Next time I'll beg for the Aardvarks. So efficient, so quiet, no baggage, no slime. Easy to hug.