Millicent did not expect to win. She only ran because the system required an opponent. How was she to know that the heavily favored incumbent was secretly recorded salaciously rubbing himself against a bed of rhododendrons?
Millicent won by default, but there was a problem. During her campaign she avoided speeches, substituting handshakes and a warm smile. No one seemed to care what she stood for. Once elected, however, she would be forced to give both speeches and press conferences. It wasn't that she was afraid of people. Her problem centered on vowels. Every time she said one aloud she experienced an orgasm, sometimes violent. She had to disguise it by coughing and shuddering as though she had pneumonia. This had been going on since junior high. On dates she hardly spoke and boys thought she was slow or stuck up.
How long before constituents figured out what was going on? Some would beg for an explanation. More would beg for her technique secrets.
Speaking faster only made the problem worse. No question, her Achilles Heel would rear its wet, ugly head over the next four years. At least she was a good listener.
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