How do I escape from the Catholic Church with its myriad of rules, Sacraments, hand holding and singing? I don't wish to confess to strangers in the dark and having the Body of Christ within me is creepy. Other religions don't tempt me. Humanism would mean actually liking other humans. Spirituality has no holidays.
I like nuns and priests. They smell good and seldom pick at sores. I cherish having someone standing over me making the sign of the cross. But Catholicism takes up too much time; I can't make sauce for my spaghetti.
I could run away with the circus, but then I'd have to join the union and learn more rules. Anyone who says I have the freedom to just walk away knows nothing about Catholic guilt. Periodically I have this compulsion to genuflect, slap on Holy Water and put ashes on your forehead.
Hold still.
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