Henry V

I should be at a free library showing of Henry V. Instead, I'm here doing this. The presentation is one hour. Abridged. How do you successfully cut the Bard by two thirds?
Frankly, I wouldn't have gone anyway. I'm sick of Shakespeare. Outdoors, indoors, free, not free, modern, traditional, minus clothes, etc. There's too much of this guy out there. At least 8 of his 26 plays are never performed because, well, they weren't that good. People who attend these events are there to let everyone else know they appreciate culture. Forget that they don't understand what's happening. The appearance of sophistication is all that counts.
There are also too many acrobats out there. Unemployed, they hog our public spaces doing their flips and cartwheels, walking on hands. I'd like to see Shakespeare performed by acrobats. I haven't mentioned clowns because so many others are picking on them. When did being a clown become uncool? The Bard employed clowns or jesters. I'm guessing right about now some character is getting stabbed in Henry V.
I'd love to see Rooney Mara as Ophelia. Wonder how long it would take for her to remove her top.