White Whale

Call me Ishmael.
That's a stupid first sentence, Mr. Kraven.
Give it a chance class. This is a classic.
But it's so long. My older sister says a white whale bites off some guy's leg and he goes bonkers.
Mr. Kraven, if he got that close, why wasn't he eaten?
Whales are black, not white. I wish they were yellow.
Only seals and walruses are black. Are they in this book?
My sister says there's lots of blood. I hate bloody stories.
Is there kissing? Does Ishmeal kiss anyone?
What about the shirtless guy with the harpoon? Does he kill the whale?
This guy Ahab--does he whip his crew? Does the whale eat the ship?
Calm down class. We haven't started yet.
Are there females in there like Wonder Woman?
Does anyone have tattoos?
What about sharks? I won't read it without sharks.
Does the whale eat the boat? Is that allowed?
Who is this Herman Melville? Does he have a reality show?
Is Ishmael cute?
Class, this is an adventure and a psychological study of a damaged, possibly insane man.
So does our President throw a harpoon?
I'm getting a headache, class.
But Mr. Kraven we haven't even started the book yet.