I was planted in Hudson County, where I've lived my whole life.
This is what you should know about Hudson County.
Protect your cookies at all times. Accept that you can't breathe without difficulty. Flat tires are a badge of honor. If something bad happens to you, everyone within a ten block radius will know within minutes. Characters abound to the extent that there are no characters.
Strange smells assault you. Assume everyone has at least one knife. Don't try to count the conveinience stores. Anything half price engenders a stampede. Free stuff causes riots.
Don't scratch your nose while behind the wheel. Someone will think you're giving them the finger and open fire. Do not smile at cops or you'll be questioned. Kids will run you down on a bike, skateboard, roller skates and scooter.
Toddlers give you the stink eye. Hudson County women can yell longer and louder than you. You need MACE against surly grandparents. Finding a parking space is better than an orgasm. Pushing your way to the front of a line is considered exercise. A happy meal is any food sitting in front of you at any time.
Music is loud and in a foreign language. People talk fast in that same language.
Sometimes suburbanites get lost and end up in Hudson County. Days later their carcasses are found near a dumpster.
Hudson County lakes spit up furious fish who piss off the turtles who refuse to pose for anyone stupid enough to spend all afternoon standing there with a camera.
I fear blooming here. Residents resent flowers and plants and anything sprouting from the earth. So I remain closed down, safe and anonymous.
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