For many years I have practiced on the Lacuna, an exotic instrument I purchased from an old gentleman in a ratty antiques shop. He said it was originally owned by Portuguese explorer Vasco Da Gama. I have trouble believing that. I am a composer who can't afford a piano, so I compose on the Lacuna.
It is a wind instrument consisting of a large sack ringed by metal stems from which the music escapes. You do not blow into it or manipulate keys. You jump on the sack barefoot and keep jumping up and down at various speeds. Sometimes, for variety, you punch the sack or headbutt it to create a slightly different tone.
The sound pretty much resembles two bison copulating madly in mud.
I rented a space and invited all my friends to come to a free Lacuna concert. Perhaps I should have explained the colorful history of this wonderful instrument. I truly believe sanity will prevail and, at some point, they will release me from this stuffy storage space. To say they overreacted is an understatement.
I fear for my beloved Lacuna. Perhaps they will hang it as found art.
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