Tow Job

The bastard had my car on the hook, ready to drive off. The sign said no parking during office hours. This was well after office hours. I raced up and asked WTF? He said he was only following orders. He would drop my car for $150. What could I do? I should have called the cops, but he would have been long gone with my car. So I got the money from an ATM and forked it over.
He dropped my car and took off. Six other cars were left untouched.
I wrote the mayor, explained everything. I was at the town flea market when it was towed, supporting a local event. I did not even get the courtesy of a response.
Numerous online complaints against the company, accusing it of towing for no reason filled my screen. Guess who's not voting for this clown of a mayor?

Upstate NY

Among the beautiful rolling hills, there are monsters, white men from Albany led by the salivating ogre Cuomo. They charge downstate, howling and raging for more taxes from the citizens. Insatiable, they rip through Gotham, driving people underground. They ate the mayor and his council.
People fled to NJ, only to discover they had their own monsters from Trenton. NY monsters declared it a sanctuary state, allowing refugees to stream in, providing more tax nourishment. One of these interlopers ate Liza Minnelli.
If only the good people of Buffalo and Syracuse would band together and destroy the Albany monsters. Who will protect the Five Boroughs from economic devastation? One voice calls out--I WILL!- Bernie Sanders rises above the rubble.wielding his statistics like a saber.

Private Island

I have many private islands where I go to think and write. A park, coffee shop, diner, a hilltop. Here is where I create the literary equivilant of Wendy;s 4 for $4 deals. Fast, easily digestible, cheap reading.
Libraries have become problematic. People nap there. Adults bring noisy kids. Librarians speak loudly, castigating patrons for various infractions.
When I am with others, I nod a lot while listening, but my mind is miles away. In my private island I imagine myself receiving all sorts of literary rewards, maybe even Wendy's coupons. Sometimes when I speak and people nod, I wonder where their minds are. Are  they tuning me out? Probably just a neck spasm.

Dirty Politics

I can't take it anymore. TV ads featuring voice overs eviscerating political opponents. This one took bribes, that one was with an underage girl, who voted for what that hurt this group.
What they do not mention is what exactly a candidate will do to make our lives better. Do they think we're idiots?
It starts at the local level.Thousands of flyers sent to homes. Ugly accusations.Who do you believe? What can we base our choice on?
More women are running for office than ever. Maybe that will cause more civility. It seems each newspaper or outlet has their favorite and the vitriol directed at the opponent is disgusting. They fabricate stories, cartoonists ridicule targets.
Why would anyone with an ounce of sanity run for office in this divided mess of a country?

Pause and Reflect

Why are we here? Are ceiling fans the answer to our problems?
I shut off the TV and radio, sit back in my recliner to pause and reflect. Where have I succeeded? Where have I fallen short? Am I lovable? Capable of giving love?
Is my sense of humor appropriate? Sometimes I blurt things out before realizing words hurt. So does a blow gun. Meditation should be part of my evolution.
I have lost my hair, but gained wisdom and ear wax. I feel the impulse to hug someone. Maybe that woman sitting over there alone.
My problem with reflecting is preventing weirdness from taking over. I don't think she wants me to hug her. Instead, I will extract that wax.

Simplify It

You need to get help. You give yourself wedgies. I don't like the way you look at squirrels. You scratch too much. You violently slice avocados and spit the pit at me. You glue gunned my grandmother's armpits while she napped. Did the same to my granddad. Old people in pain is not funny.

You toss adult diapers in my shopping cart. Grope my on the checkout line. You removed your shirt at an Engelbert Humperdinck concert. You put our youngest in the hamper to drive me crazy.
Your flaws are obvious. I think you need a hobby. You used to be an attentive  spouse and parent, but you've lost your mind.
Do not go to the zoo. I don't trust you near the flamingos.

Ignorance

You don't know how I disposed of the body of my financial advisor who told me to invest in the Tesla. As Elon Musk suffered a breakdown and the stock plummeted, he assured me to stay the course. Good riddance.
Now I'm broke, but what you don't know is I've created a concoction that will make me wealthy. Pizza and yogurt. Only I know the mixture of ingredients.
All the time we were friends you never knew I was a puppet master. I created puppets in the image of Supreme Court justices, including Ruth Bader Ginzberg. I will present sophisticated puppet shows and charge $50 a pop. I will address all the important issues of our time.
What else don't you know? That they've changed my medication and I am no longer delusional.
Consider yourself woke.

Future Car

Comes with a six foot tall model.
Emits powerful perfume if you pass gas.
Responds to your meaningless babble.
Can elevate over traffic.
Can play recording if stopped by cop explaining driver doesn't understand English.
Automatic shift direction for small animals
Clean up system for small animals who move too slow
Never runs over traffic cones without an apology.
Lets you know if you are leaking.
Plays Twitter posts of Elon Musk.
Refuses to play Michael Bolton music.
Heals its own scratches.
It's horn sounds like Adele.