You need to get help. You give yourself wedgies. I don't like the way you look at squirrels. You scratch too much. You violently slice avocados and spit the pit at me. You glue gunned my grandmother's armpits while she napped. Did the same to my granddad. Old people in pain is not funny.
You toss adult diapers in my shopping cart. Grope my on the checkout line. You removed your shirt at an Engelbert Humperdinck concert. You put our youngest in the hamper to drive me crazy.
Your flaws are obvious. I think you need a hobby. You used to be an attentive spouse and parent, but you've lost your mind.
Do not go to the zoo. I don't trust you near the flamingos.
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