Listening

They speak softly, these fragile humans
I must move closer to the window
My rigid shadow a child of my rigid spine
Three voices
One is gravel, one is cotton, one squeaky shoes

Humans vomiting words
I imitate their sorry sounds
The night my companion
My ruse never fails
 I do children better than children

Alarmed adults sprint outside
Into my dark lair
My sobs are like no other
Help Me!
I am your family!

You burst from the door
I leap and devour you
All that is human becomes mine
And I'll eat your little doggie too
Cackle, cackle

Who's Listening Anyway?

The way to a woman's heart is to be a good listener. In a world of talkers, listening has become a lost art.
Here are some tips from a guy who knows.
Nod frequently.
Don't let your eyelids droop.
Look off in the distance as though you're pondering something she said.
Don't twitch or snort.
Avoid negative facial expressions.
Don't touch yourself under the table unless you really are dozing off.
Do not interrupt. If she pauses, she's just collecting her thoughts.
Your thoughts are irrelevant.
Ask her to elaborate. Women love elaborating.
Look grateful that she has opened up to you.
Don't blink fast. It makes them uncomfortable.
If you're frustrated at not getting a word in, do what the rest of us guys do. Go home and talk to your plants.