Thursday, February 24, 2022


 A Turkish folk dance

Peruvian stew

A tool to rip out plywood

Mexican throw rug

a 4000 calorie concoction from Denny's

An insect that destroys tulips

 A Bosnian waffle

The sound of snapping underwear elastic

A giant Russian pretzel

Betty White's last word

A lightning storm in Transylvania 

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

One Munchkin

 I'm sitting in Dunkin' when a woman walks in and orders one munchkin. The counter girl asks her to repeat that, which she does. The employee assures her she can order three, six, a dozen munchkins, but the woman is stubborn. She leaves with her order and I had every right to follow her outside and make a citizen's arrest. Totally justified. That munchkin was in her stomach by the time she got to her car. Who disrespects American capitalism like that and considers themselves a productive member of society? We need to crack down on this sort of anti-social behavior. Our whole value system is crumbling. I'll bet she's a Socialist.

Sunday, August 29, 2021


Why did we all stop skipping? As kids we used to love it, bouncing around with a big smile, arms akimbo, head thrown back, feeling the magic. Up and down sidewalks and parks, endlessly skipping.

Look around. All you see is self-defense outlets. Judo, karate, ti knon do. How many of us are in therapy? We wouldn't need all that if we just kept skipping. Jogging, hopscotch, hopping in place, rollerblading are not skipping. Neither is jumping rope.

I will go to the park and learn to skip again. Then I will traverse that entire area, arms out, head thrown back, feeling the magic. If I get arrested, maybe one of you will bail me out.

And in return, I will teach you how to skip.

Tuesday, June 15, 2021


 I am leaving my doctor's office and see a plate of wrapped chocolates. I am diabetic and steer clear of candy. But I stared perhaps too long at them. Maybe this was a test. A camera was recording my reaction and sending it to my doctor's back office. He doesn't trust me. My breathing quickened while I remembered the taste of this delicacy.

Somehow, I forced myself to leave, gasping in frustration. As soon as I started my car, I reached down and grabbed a chocolate chip cookie from the package on the floor. Give me a break. How much temptation can one endure?

At the gym there's a large container on Tootsie Rolls. People grab handfuls. I pull my hand back and slap it hard. No, I growl. Why do public places put these temptations right out there so weak willed people can crumble and submit? I need to have a word with my doctor next visit. At least place the chocolate near the receptionist.

Sunday, May 30, 2021


Kids run around in all direction with no purpose. They bump into things, chase squirrels and geese, are mesmerized by turtles on rocks. They point at you like you're some giant lizard. They sing and hum and talk to themselves. 

None of them respond to the word no. They want your complete attention unless it makes more sense to ignore you. They smell funny and make a mess eating ice cream. They cry for no apparent reason. They want to wrestle with you with no breaks to catch your breath.

They hate being hugged by relatives. It must be the chemicals in the air. I was never like this as a kid. I smelled good and mastered ice cream. I never fell down.

Lately, however, I seem to smell funny and eating anything is a challenge. I do lose my balance. I wish more relatives would hug me.

Friday, April 23, 2021

Windows 10

 Windows 10 is deserting me. A quick message told me I need to install Windows 11. But I became attached to Windows 10. During the pandemic, isolated, I grew close to this wonderful all-encompassing service.

What happens to Windows 10? Scrape heap? What about its memories? Erased? Is it lost somewhere in the cloud? Does it meet up with previous Windows? Are they all depressed, suicidal?

The cold indifference of Microsoft makes me shiver. What if I don't get along with Windows 11? Something about it turns me off? I have enough stress in my life. Maybe I can still secretly use Windows 10 without anyone knowing. Would you report me?

Friday, February 19, 2021


I sent out all my important tax documents to my accountant. He gets paid by my township because I am a senior. I am taking the standard deduction. Frankly, I'm considered low income. Any payment I get will go right to my checking account. Hoping for that $1400 stimulus this spring. Every dollar counts. In less than a year my car will be paid off. Thankfully, the previous stimulus money is not taxable.

I would love to travel, but must stretch my money out. Used to visit NYC for my culture feed, but the place has become dangerous. No parades or celebrations. Can't take the subway. Parks inhabited by deplorables. I could drive aimlessly, but for what purpose? Life is so limited this past year. Covid has put a severe emotional tax on us all.