Swipe Fee

I've decided to administer swipe fees for those who wish to be my friends. This was not an easy decision. It boils down to a simple question--how valuable is my time and are you worth it? Okay, that's two questions.
Essentially, what I have to offer in terms of friendship extends far beyond the parameters of what most people can offer. My searing wit alone is priceless. The market determines what I should charge.
I heard Michael Bolton charges $40 an hour for sharing a meal with friends.
I was thinking $12 an hour to start and see how people respond. If I begin losing top tier friends and are left only with vague acquaintances, I may have to rethink this. Of course there would be a night differential and a weekend surcharge.
Carrying around one of those portable credit card swipe machines is a pain, but if one values what one has to offer, it's a small inconvenience. Initially, you may be upset, but give it time and you'll adapt. True friends always do.