The Tube

The tube rules my life. Not the TV, an actual tube which protrudes from my weiner. It leads to a bag strapped to my leg, Many men go through this. I don't care about many men. I care that tomorrow the doctor is supposed to pull it out. I may pee on the floor. It will hurt as much as when they stuck it in. I was told to cough when it slides out to make things easier. I will be coughing like an entire tuberculosis ward. I think it is perfectly fine to sob. Men should sob more.
I guess this is as close as I'll get to giving birth.
Did I mention I have diaper rash?