Hopscotch and Hula Hoops

Let me explain something. As a kid, while others were outside playing their stupid games, I was reading 19th century philosophers and thinking about the meaning of things. I did not come near a hula hoop until I was 32 and coming off a bad break up. It soothed my depression.
I did venture out and played hopscotch one time. First, I calculated the geometry, physics, wind condition, barometer, torque and other factors. Then I went out and destroyed those snotty ignoramuses, absolutely annihilated them.
The reason I had no friends growing up is jealousy. They resented my superiority.
Now, years later, I have 14 different medical conditions and stress like you wouldn't believe. I spent hours searching for a hula hoop, but no one stocks them. Maybe I should try to find a hug somewhere.