Refrigerator Cleanout

She went all Skull Island on my fridge.
"How can you live like this? Open plates and cans. Containers with who knows what. Your vegetable bin looks like Dunkirk. Is that cheese? That brown thing-liverwurst? You cannot just leave hummus for months. I'm afraid to look in your freezer."
I stood there helpless. I thought I saw something move inside the hummus.
She went to work tossing out everything but the bread and butter.
I pity the garbageman.
This woman is a cleaning machine. I accept the humiliation because she is family and won't charge me a cent.

Caught You

Every year I clean out my refrigerator. Certain foods try to hide behind other foods. I find that cowardly. A four year old bowl of fried munch balls covered with sprinkles has been taking up space. My sister in law gave it to me and I feel family loyalty trumps common sense.
Yogurt and pudding containers fall over and crouch behind fruit, some of which is rotting. In my vegetable bin, cucumbers try hiding under the carrots, but their mushiness and juice give them away. Plum tomatoes crawl into the celery to no avail. I am merciless.
I caught you is what I tell them. This is all about quality of life.
It's like when you catch someone picking their nose in traffic. Without a word, using only facial expressions, you can shame them to tears.
Now this round thing which may have been cabbage is troubling me. I'll bet it contains bed bugs. I just hope my sister in law doesn't want her bowl back. Those little fried balls are probably glued to the glass by now.