Strip Poker

Some sell their books using charm. I need to go with my strength, which is my body. My new strategy is similar to the strip poker concept. Buy one of my books and I'll send you a photo of one of my body parts without clothes. The more books you get, the more different photos of naked body parts you'll receive. Eventually, if you buy enough books, you can piece the photos together and get a composite of what I look like naked. I'm pretty sure this is almost legal. Go with your strength and do not look back, that's my philosophy.

Fear of Flying

Bernie was a 56 year old ad executive pulling down $400000 a year. He had a mansion, a beautiful wife and three high achieving kids.
As a boy he had never mastered the monkey bars and felt anxiety walking past a playground. He remembered getting halfway up, panicking and retreating. One day he decided this simply will not do.
On his way to work that morning, he entered a playground and removed his tie and jacket. He headed straight for the damn monkey bars. He closed his eyes and visualized climbing to the top.
As he slowly ascended, sweat pouring down his body, he glanced over to the swings, where, to his astonishment, he saw Jack from HR soaring high and yelling YES I CAN!
Emily, head secretary, was defeating the slide, whooping loudly. Carl, Executive VP of marketing, flrollicked in the sandbox, while Maury from security begged for someone to join him on the see saw.
Bernie realized there were lots of issues being worked out on that playground. Lots of issues.

Magical Skating Rink

Finn could not sleep and went for a walk in Verona Park. It was near midnight and he was depressed. He felt he was stagnating working in hs father's pork rind shop.
He was suddenly blinded by lights and sounds. Right where the pond was, a giant skating rink appeared. Skaters moved effortlessly, as though body mass was non existent. Skates attached to his feet and he was magnetically drawn to the rink.
Everyone was smiling and laughing. There was Al Capone, cigar in mouth and Liz Taylor and John Candy, the Marx Brothers and Lauren Bacall gliding along with Bogie. He saw Mother Theresa flaa on her rump with a squeal and Julia Chids went over and helped her up.
Finn felt a strong grip on his arm and realized it was Kate Hepburn. Speed it up, buster, I need to catch that one, she barked.  She pointed To Bette Davis, speeding along.
At dawn, the whole scene suddenly vanished and Finn found himself paddling in chip deep water.
To hell with pork rinds. He would become a world class figure skater.

Easter Island

Louis, working alone, came up with the diagrams for what became one of  the world's great mysteries--the statues on Easter Island. He used his own likeness as a model for these strange creations. Natives thought he was a god and held a festival that lasted three days.
But his mother in law was upset none of the figures had her likeness, nor her daughter's. Her daughter hated her marriage and the island, preferring to stay inside and do yoga. The natives sided with him and sent both women off on a small boat with limited rations.
Sadly, when aliens landed and vaporized Louis, all his records were lost as was his reputation. The aliens worshiped the statues and eventually taught the natives how to make eggplant parmigiana. Louis is lost to history. The statues were bought by Donald Trump. Stay tuned.

Two Ideas

China has adopted the two child policy. We should take a page from their book and begin the Two Idea Policy. Every adult would be allowed to express only two ideas throughout his lifetime. No more. This would clear the air of all the nonsense and unclog all our social systems that have put us in this national mess.
Because I've expressed this idea, that means I would have only one idea left in my life to communicate to others. You're breathing a sigh of relief. See? It works.
We have all sorts of creative thinking outside the box. What we don't have is ideas that actually work. We wouldn't have so many contentious debates about who is right. The punishment for blurting out  more than two ideas would be something along the lines of being forced to attend think sessions among Saturday Night Live writers.

Interrupters Retreat

I had high hopes for the Interrupters Retreat, held on 200 acres in New Hampshire. There were 30 of us from all over the East Coast. When the facilitator introduced the program, he was interupted many times with questions.
We had sessions spread out over the entire estate. We discussed the theory of interruptions and its history, which dated back to Socrates. He was interrupted during a lecture and sent the student to a dungeon. Socrates was a strict disciplinarian.
Our keynote speaker was interrupted so many times he couldn't finish his speech. We had all sorts of interruptions--polite, brusque, confused, mumbled, shouts and one deaf participant who used sign language.
Of course, no one could finish their points. Once, I paused during a sentence and everyone was caught off balance.
We all came away wiser from the experience. Sorry to interrupt your day.

Cousin Eddie

Mom dislikes Cousin Eddie, but I can't wait for him to visit. He does shadow animals on the wall. Rocky and Bullwinkle, cartoon characters popular way before I was born. He even does the voices. He did a pregnant mongoose and a three legged hippo. Cousin Eddie loves making kids laugh.
He sweats and sniffs a lot like he has a cold. Mom says he is sick. I don't see much wrong with him, but I'm only ten. He doesn't seem to have much money, but he's 22 and has plenty of time to make money. Right?
He asked me for money once. Silly, right?