Park Things

Old men slumping on benches.
Old women yelling at strangers.
Mediocre musicians and mimes.
Kids splashing in germ loaded fountains.
Homeless poets with chapped lips.
Important people making vital calls as they stride past.
The splattered pigeon droppings
So much mud.
Religious ranters.
Sometimes a little bit of quiet.
Compassionate folks who straighten out slumping old men.
Locked bathrooms.

Distractions

My glistening body parts as I step ourt of the shower.
Michael Bolton ringtones
The kid upstairs running all over as you pray he will run into an end table
Someone begins a sentence, 'I hope you won't perceive this as a criticism'
A Going Out of Business sale at a porn shop
Loud talkers with soft thoughts
Burning one link sausage in your micro and eating it as a punishment
Waiting for your printer to warm up
Pop up ads for male enhancement
Any fridge minus cheese

Marching

I was a lousy shot in the Army Reserves, but a terrific marcher. Marching kept me sane while I was learning to kill and maim. I haven't marched since.
Here are some causes I might march for:
The overuse of parenthesis by some writers.
Uneven sidewalks geared toward making old people fall.
Slow moving tourists.
Ferris whells in general.
Wearing flip flops in Fanuary.
Crockpots and their recipes.
Strangers conversing with you on lines.
People sitting  in cars in public parks.
Too many different types of apples.
Elvis Costello's continuing career.
The lack of legislation limiting public scratching.

I'll tell you who knows how to march.
The North Koreans. Man, can those buggers march up a storm.
College bands can also get it done. If they rebel and spell out an obscenity, we can always blame the Mexicans.

Good Pitch

Ladies and gentlemen,I stand here with an offer that will amaze you. Three legged dogs as pets. Think of the upside. How much easier will it be to meet people curious about your pet? Also, you can negotiate a discount with the vet.
If your dog falls over in front of kids, they will learn compassion. They will also discover the power of gravity. The pet will remain loyal because it is too slow to run away. If you have a limp no one will notice because of your dog.
I am offering these striking freaks of nature at the low low price of $16.99 each. Okay, I'll knock a couple of bucks for a dachshund. I will throw in a free leash and dog collar.
Well, miss, that is between you and your man what you do with them.

Finster and Krauss

What a song writing team. Never heard of them? Finster and Krauss composed some of the best polka tunes in history. Neither was Polish, played the accordion, wore suspenders, or funny hats with feathers and lederhosen.
But they loved polka.
So why didn't their careers soar? Two words--Freddie Krazewski. He ruled the Polish polka underworld with an iron fist.
You do not get radio play or distribution unless you pay Freddie his dues. When he sent two associates to Finster and Kraus, they were defiant. So they were tossed onto sharp piano strings, causing cuts and bleeding, throwing the instrument out of tune.
The team decided to relocate to Arizona, not exactly a hot bed for polka. Soon they gave up and went their separate ways.
I actually purchased one of the few raw tapes of their music at a flea market. I shake my head at the sustained power and beauty of their work. I heard one writes Geico commercials and one became a funeral director.
I feel like the public got robbed.

Ego

I called in professionals to haul away my ego, which had been preventing me from seeing the reality of my life. My novels will never sell. I will never marry well. A carpet salesman is who I am.
My ego was too big to place in a jar of acid. It took up most of my living room, blocking my flat screen. The men came up on a freight elevator all ready to haul it away. Until they saw it. Even with a hand truck they could not budge it.
I decided to chop it up and sell the pieces on line to insecure people. But I just could not do it. My ego is part of who I am. I thought about going to the circus to take my mind off this. But there is no more circus anymore. What happens to clown egos now? Maybe I could somehow breed my ego with a clown ego. Just brain storming here.

Next Generation

Will there be irony, sarcasm and satire?
Not looking good. Cough wrong and you get destroyed online. Everyone is ranting.  If you point out being overweight is unhealthy, you're body shaming. If you inject the word responsibility into a discussion on race you are a racist. If you question the Church you are Godless. If you only wear black you are the Devil's tool.
Taxi drivers are vanishing. Everyone is talking to themselves, an early sign of Alzheimer Disease. Hugging will disappear because of new bacteria. God help us if plaid goes. I've organized my life around it.
Once space for burial is used up, will bodies be tossed into the ocean creating new virulent water born illness?
Will writing still exist? Will imagination become part of the huge compost heap quickly being formed?
Will the next generation be able to skate backwards and use a pogo stick?
Politically correct vultures hover. Waiting.