Gerry was a man of ideas, ahead of the curve. He watched as grocery deliveries direct to houses took off. A light went off in his head. A delivery service aimed at blocked writers. A van pulls up full of ideas, story arcs, characters, metaphors and even punctuation. He advertised and within dayd he was flooded with requests for his service. All he needed was raw material.
He knew a writer who was prolific. For 20% of the profits he would make him a partner in exchange for his writing skills. This would be the future of literature similar to bitcoins being the future of currency.
He went to the man's apartment and rang the bell. Minutes later the door opened. The man stood there wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. On the bed behind him was an inflatable doll resembling Wonder Woman.
Great to see you, Gerry. What's up?
Gerry gave him a big smile. Joe, have I got a proposition for you.
Saturday, March 31, 2018
The Wrong Man
Sally knew she was being followed. He wasn't very good at disguising it. One day she saw him enter a flower shop. I'm turning the tables, she thought, and proceeded to follow him. Maybe if he had someone to gift with flowers he wasn't a creep.
He kept walking out of the business section into the residential area. To her shock, he made his way right to her house and rang the bell as she hid behind a tree. The mailman came by. They spoke. The man showed him a sheet of paper and the mailman smiled and patted his shoulder. They actually hugged.
Sally watched the carrier continue on his route. This is a violation, she thought. Fearlessly, she marched right up to the man. He met her eyes. He looked familiar. He showed her the sheet of paper. Sally read it and began sobbing. This was her son, kidnapped many years ago. On the paper was a poem he had written in the fourth grade. Her copy was upstairs in a box under her bed. Mom, he whispered.
He kept walking out of the business section into the residential area. To her shock, he made his way right to her house and rang the bell as she hid behind a tree. The mailman came by. They spoke. The man showed him a sheet of paper and the mailman smiled and patted his shoulder. They actually hugged.
Sally watched the carrier continue on his route. This is a violation, she thought. Fearlessly, she marched right up to the man. He met her eyes. He looked familiar. He showed her the sheet of paper. Sally read it and began sobbing. This was her son, kidnapped many years ago. On the paper was a poem he had written in the fourth grade. Her copy was upstairs in a box under her bed. Mom, he whispered.
Blackboard Nonsense
Phil stared at theequations on the blackboard and got dizzy. The Professor kept scribbling letters and numbers and none of it made any sense. The other students were just as baffled. Why did I take this course, he asked himself. Kardashian Theory 101. Why were they so popular?
Surely it couldn't e very complicated. Botox, luxury, big butts and whining entitlement. There it is in a nutshell. The Professor droned on about pleasure centers lighting up whenever one of them appeared on the screen. Phil cursed his stupidity. He should have taken another course in the syllabus.
The Meaning of Pee Wee Herman's Playhouse in Relation to the Elevation of Child's Play Within the Post Modern Parent Consciousness.
Yeah, that one he could have aced.
Surely it couldn't e very complicated. Botox, luxury, big butts and whining entitlement. There it is in a nutshell. The Professor droned on about pleasure centers lighting up whenever one of them appeared on the screen. Phil cursed his stupidity. He should have taken another course in the syllabus.
The Meaning of Pee Wee Herman's Playhouse in Relation to the Elevation of Child's Play Within the Post Modern Parent Consciousness.
Yeah, that one he could have aced.
Sunday, March 25, 2018
The Showdown
No one could manipulate a fidget spinner like Barb. She was known far and wide as a master. Crowds gathered to watch her on weekends in the park. She was special. People greeted her in stores. When she mentored others, they got so much better at this art.
Long an outsider, fidget spinning made her popular and changed her life.
Then one day Reggie arrived, him and his yo yo. This young man did amazing tricks.. People were awed at his creativity, the sheer complexity of his tricks. Everyone knew there had to be a showdown.
Memorial Day, with a park filled with onlookers, Reggie and Barb faced each other. There were no rules. No judges. No time limit. They would go at each other until one quit in pain. They stood glaring at each other, ten feet apart.
Everyone took a deep breath. The contest began.
I've been sworn to secrecy regarding the result.
Sorry.
Long an outsider, fidget spinning made her popular and changed her life.
Then one day Reggie arrived, him and his yo yo. This young man did amazing tricks.. People were awed at his creativity, the sheer complexity of his tricks. Everyone knew there had to be a showdown.
Memorial Day, with a park filled with onlookers, Reggie and Barb faced each other. There were no rules. No judges. No time limit. They would go at each other until one quit in pain. They stood glaring at each other, ten feet apart.
Everyone took a deep breath. The contest began.
I've been sworn to secrecy regarding the result.
Sorry.
Laundry Card Blues
I lost my laundry card just after I put $5 on it. Disappeared from my pocket in CVS. I asked the girl at the front end if she saw it. No luck. Actually because I used it in the washer there was only $2.40 left. But I had to invest another $5 in my backup card, which I found in said laundry. If I want a new card I have to insert $10 in the machine. It comes with $6 already on it, so my new card only costs $4. But that adds up to $6.40 I had to shell out. That's three cups of coffee.
Which brings me to my next point. The loud guy in Dunkin' who shouts his order from a seat in the back. His explosive white hair is Einstein squared. His Spanish accent is kind of charming. Kids love him. But I can't read, write or concentrate with him exclaiming every sentence. He talks to anyone except me because I keep my head down. I wonder where he works. Maybe a really loud factory.
After months of forced listening, I know more about him than family members.
I should find another Dunkin', but that would be surrendering, no?
Which brings me to my next point. The loud guy in Dunkin' who shouts his order from a seat in the back. His explosive white hair is Einstein squared. His Spanish accent is kind of charming. Kids love him. But I can't read, write or concentrate with him exclaiming every sentence. He talks to anyone except me because I keep my head down. I wonder where he works. Maybe a really loud factory.
After months of forced listening, I know more about him than family members.
I should find another Dunkin', but that would be surrendering, no?
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Me and Satan
So I said to Satan, can we get some ventilation in here?
Walking around naked, sweat rolling off me, I'm getting dehydrated and may pass out. Satan sat in his recliner staring at a screen, monitoring humans going about their business, calculating which souls are vulnerable. Ignoring my question.
Frustrated, I wandered around the huge cavern filled with naked, sweating souls. Manson squatted in the corner mumbling. I tried again with Satan. How about central air conditioning? Too much paperwork, he replies. Installation in an area this big is problematic. A water fountain? No fountains in hell, fool.
I guess it could be worse. I could be burning. That's a myth. Only bankers and some lawyers burn here.
God, what I wouldn't give for an ice cube. Oh I forgot. God isn't listening.
Is that Richard Nixon? Boy, I thought he sweated while alive. He's just one big puddle. Seeing someone like that naked may be worse than burning. Who am I to judge? I look down. Who knew extreme heat causes shrinkage.
Walking around naked, sweat rolling off me, I'm getting dehydrated and may pass out. Satan sat in his recliner staring at a screen, monitoring humans going about their business, calculating which souls are vulnerable. Ignoring my question.
Frustrated, I wandered around the huge cavern filled with naked, sweating souls. Manson squatted in the corner mumbling. I tried again with Satan. How about central air conditioning? Too much paperwork, he replies. Installation in an area this big is problematic. A water fountain? No fountains in hell, fool.
I guess it could be worse. I could be burning. That's a myth. Only bankers and some lawyers burn here.
God, what I wouldn't give for an ice cube. Oh I forgot. God isn't listening.
Is that Richard Nixon? Boy, I thought he sweated while alive. He's just one big puddle. Seeing someone like that naked may be worse than burning. Who am I to judge? I look down. Who knew extreme heat causes shrinkage.
Annoying Jennifer
Ten reasons Jennifer Lawrence annoys me
1.She thinks everything is about her
2.She's 27 and still thinks getting hammered and vomiting is cool
3.She claims dieting and working out are not her concern
4.She dropped out of Middle School, yet lectures reporters
5.She reacts to every tiny negative thing written about her
6.She dates men much older than her
7.She never takes time off
8.She's a complete hypochondriac.
9.he railed against nude photos of her online, thwen stripped for Red Sparrow
10.She watches the Kardashians instead of reading books
1.She thinks everything is about her
2.She's 27 and still thinks getting hammered and vomiting is cool
3.She claims dieting and working out are not her concern
4.She dropped out of Middle School, yet lectures reporters
5.She reacts to every tiny negative thing written about her
6.She dates men much older than her
7.She never takes time off
8.She's a complete hypochondriac.
9.he railed against nude photos of her online, thwen stripped for Red Sparrow
10.She watches the Kardashians instead of reading books
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