Success

I bought new white and gold handles for my kitchen cabinets, 20 in all. Is there nothing more effective or elegant than a Phillips screwdriver? I am a master with this instrument and within an hour I had replaced my old, decrepit handles with my beautiful babies. I open cabinets now just to feel their smoothness.
     Success.
     I realized a man is not a man without a top line robe, so I went to TJX because I had zero balance on my card. After minutes of searching, I found my treasure. Long, black and soft as cashmere. I buried my face in it, shoppers be damned. At home I saw how it accentuated my shoulders and how I resembled a dictator from a small, but vital country.
     Success.
     I needed pajama bottoms and headed right for Kohl's with my $5 coupon and 15% off. I found a red plaid wool number that screamed 'take me!'. But I made the foolish mistake of grabbing an extra large for unknown reasons. No matter how tight I tie the drawstring, it keeps sliding down to my ankles, especially when I get up to pee. Maybe women find this erotic.
     I had given my old robe to the Salvation Army. Maybe I could do a switch and take one of their pj bottoms that fit me. Not a success.
     But as long as I have my magnificent robe I don't need to leave the house.