Monday, March 27, 2017

Song to Song

Song to Song is Terrance Mallick's new film. Everyone should see one of his movies sometime. This one is like nothing else out there. lots of odd scenes, beautiful scenes, sensual scenes. A meandering story, many characters searching for love and freedom from their hum drum lives.
Ryan Gosling, Michael Fassbinder, Rooney Mara and Natalie Portman star. Supporting characters are as attractive. At two hours it felt a bit long. I especially enjoyed Mara's wide ranging performance. Many closeups. Lots of graceful movement among them, almost like a long dance.
Takes place during the Austin music fest. Patti Smith and Iggy of the Stooges have cameos.
It's not an easy film to follow as characters come and go. The idea of power through manipulation is central. Who can you trust. There were three people in this early afternoon showing and two left halfway through.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

The Bookstore

I'm in this bookstore a lot. I'm a writer, so I notice everything and what I see is this: one or two clerks manning the register, another at the coffee stand--and no one else on the floor.
But there is a door in the back and young employees are constantly coming out and going back in. They are flushed and in a hurry, looking serious. I hesitate to stop them, even to ask a book question.
This has been going on for months since the store opened.
I do not believe this is a real bookstore. I think it is a front for something very sinister. What makes it more curious is all these young people look so clean cut and innocent.
There are a number of possibilities. Sex orgies. Maybe, not likely. Not disheveled enough. A secret police spying headquarters. I can see that. A group of hackers focused on destroying Barnes and Noble. No, B&N is going down by its own self.
Some sort of smuggling operation. Priceless bookmarks? Fountain pens? Magnets?
I sense some of these people are trained killers despite their preppy appearance.
I should find another store, but their coffee is so good.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Book Club Night

It was Alice's turn to choose a book for our monthly meeting and she picked a biography of Bob Fosse. Her instructions came soon after. You simply cannot read about this man without paying tribute to his work. Even the four men had to participate.
The month passed too quickly for the guys. Roy, Ted and Al dreaded the meeting. Joe, however, seemed too excited. The other fellows looked very uncomfortable in their heels and black mesh stockings. Not Joe.
Alice put on a CD--All That Jazz. They began performing the Fosse moves, sensual and sizzling. Lack of flexibility limited the leg kicks, but the quick turns and posturing were exquisite.
They applauded themselves and sat for coffee and light refreshments. Roy chose the next book. It was an account of The Battle of the Bulge from WWII. I hope we don't have to wear uniforms, Alice joked.
Meanwhile, Joe, sitting in the corner, excited by the feel of mesh stockings, was exhibiting his own Battle of the Bulge.

A Madman

Joe was a madman convinced Death was upon him. I tried convincing him this was nonsense. He looked like a Greek god. His behavior became more unhinged. Plus he was lonely. If he saw an attractive crossing guard he began foaming at the mouth.
I finally took him to my favorite cafe and pointed to a group of writers seated in the corner. They were reading from laptops and notebooks. Joe heard them and became wide eyed. You see, I said, you are not mad. Madness is in that corner. Listen to that nonsense.
Joe beamed with joy. As we left, we passed the table full of madness. They were still reading gibberish. Only the guy in the Mets cap looked remotely sane. We exchanged smiles. He knew he was surrounded by madness. But they served good coffee.

Michelangelo's Biggest Complaints

His wife kept interrupting with local gossip while he was painting the Sistine chapel.
He had to pee way too often.
Some clergy wanted Satan included.
Stain glass window light hurt his eyes.
The paint by numbers kit he began with was insufficient.
Come spring, contractors were refurbishing the entire place in stucco.
His agent had lost a bundle of his earnings investing in a Mother of Jesus clothing line.
They didn't tell him the damn ceiling was curved.
He could never draw hands and feet.
The Pope wanted his likeness in there somewhere, minus the belly fat.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Seven Silly Squirrels

This was a writing prompt that stumped me. Then I wondered what Steven King would do with it.

The squirrels could be a metaphor for seven evil children who terrorize a town in Maine.
Keep them as animals, rabid and voracious.
The town sociopath murdered squirrels as a child and now they return in ghost form.
Make them a metaphor for seven evil councilmen behind a series of disappearances.
Or a cabal of seven crazy DPW workers who kidnap people and torture them in the DPW shed where an evil surgeon experiments on them.
The squirrels are very large and eat small pets.
They surround a house where the parents are gone and trap three kids inside by chewing the phone wires.

Nah. Nothing silly in any of that.
But since Nov. in this country the concept of silly has lost all meaning.

Refrigerator Cleanout

She went all Skull Island on my fridge.
"How can you live like this? Open plates and cans. Containers with who knows what. Your vegetable bin looks like Dunkirk. Is that cheese? That brown thing-liverwurst? You cannot just leave hummus for months. I'm afraid to look in your freezer."
I stood there helpless. I thought I saw something move inside the hummus.
She went to work tossing out everything but the bread and butter.
I pity the garbageman.
This woman is a cleaning machine. I accept the humiliation because she is family and won't charge me a cent.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Objections

Lisa's dad was upset. Phil's 17 year old daughter was leaving for school wearing a revealing blouse with low cleavage.
"Go back upstairs and change, young lady. I will not have you out in public looking like that."
"Get with the times, dad. Women make their own choices now. We have the freedom to dress how we wish. We make our own standards."
Phil sighed and fumed. He had raised a stubborn girl.
Lisa strapped on her backpack, grabbed her pogo stick and pogoed 16 blocks to school.
There were four car accidents involving male drivers that morning.
That night, over his objection, his wife led them into seeing Moonlight instead of Kong-Skull Island.
Her rationale was it won Best Picture. His excuse was lots of large beasts eating each other. Women just do not understand.

Scammed

He knocked at 9am. Showed me a badge that said Department of Home Wildlife. He seemed harmless, so I let him in. He said he needed to do inventory, quickly withdrew a plastic object ,that when pointed at something, ticked.
He moved around scanning everything. Sometimes the ticks were soft, sometimes loud. After five minutes he told Joe he was under the approved limit. Of what? Joe asked.
Dust mites ,was the answer. He needed 400 per square foot and was well short.
We can do this hard or easy, the man said. I could fine you and take you in right now. Or, because we're compassionate, I have 60000 mites in my trunk I could sell you for $49.95. Your decision.
Joe swallowed. His body shook.
Do you give senior discounts? he asked
Do I look stupid? the man shot back.
Joe sighed and went to get his checkbook.

Things You Decorate

My walls
Your walls
Small pets
My skull
Slow Moving Kids
Sneakers
Hub Caps
Gazebos
Panhandlers
Wendy's baked potato
Baby's crib
Cannibal pot
Tattoos
Cemetaries
Refrigerator

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Germ Town

Scouts informed the leaders of Germ Town their mission was accomplished. Joe had bronchitis. He coughed up phlegm, spewed mucus, ran a fever and felt weak and achy. Success! A carnival atmosphere prevailed.
But then one germ spoke up--suppose he dies? What happens to us? We either get buried or cremated with him.
Moans enveloped the air. All dancing ceased. Stop the Attack! The order filtered down to the warrior germs in his lungs. Joe's symptoms eased and his health improved. He decided to attend a nearby summer festival. His germs lay around bored, waiting for him to sneeze in someone's face so they could launch themselves onto another human and begin a new attack. They would tie up and gag anti biotics.
Joe bought cotton candy from a worker who did not wash his hands after using the facilities. Now a new community of evil microscopic vandals awaited the order to attack.
Joe never knew what hit him.

Last Cherry Blossom

Global warming and pollution had left the world with just one cherry blossom tree. Thousands gathered and waited for it to bloom. Alas, only a single blossom made it to maturity.It was so beautiful, people fainted.
Society is adaptable and decided to imbue beauty on objects never thought of in those terms. Telephone poles, ice cubes, sewer grates, cellophane, rust, shower curtains, and turtles. Parks filled with people photographing turtles on rocks.
Joe avoided that horde, deciding to sit on a bench and observe the intricate beauty of pond scum. He imagined its tactile impression upon his bare skin. He stood and stripped and waded into the pond. Unfortunately, he was unaware of the snapping turtles swimming under water.
He is now known as Josephine.

No Logic

Logically you put the pickles next to the relish and other condiments. But Joe was in a rut, stagnating and decided to shake things up by reorganizing his fridge. Maybe his writer's bpock would end.
He moved the vegetables out of the vegetable bin and spread them on all shelves. He yanked the link sausage out of the freezer and stuck them next to the milk and grabbed the avocados off the top of the fridge and stuck them in the fruit bin. All logic was tossed out and nothing was where it should be.
He still could not write. So he drove to his writer's support group and moved people out of their seats and into the hall.
At one point he saw Rose picking lint off her sweater and it hit him. Attack of the Sweater Lint. A trilogy. Yes, a logical evolution. Rose would get 10%.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Random Sentences

I had writer's block and the characters I had previously created pounded on my garage door, frantic to be thrust into a narrative, ANY narrative. I questioned my identity as a writer. When I called Abe, another writer, he said he had plenty of stories, but no characters and suggested a trade.

On his third date with Ellen, John's hairpiece caused his scalp to itch. He doubted she guessed he was bald, but there was questioning in her eyes as she watched him squirm in his seat, dying to scratch.

Carl, the leader of the workshop, spoke in a confident, authoritative voice about narrative arc. My attention, however, was focused on the hot women wearing peach sitting next to me. If I wanted to sell articles I'd better concentrate on Carl--I had rent to pay.

My fifteenth book was just published and before you get all hussy about destroyed trees, consider that if you invited me to your parties I'd have less time to write and there would be fewer books.