Dentist

I went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. They took my temp, told me to fill out two sheets outside. They would call me when ready. No one was allowed in the waiting room. After answering dozens of questions about every aspect of my health, using my own pen, wearing mask and gloves, I got the call.

The female worker led me inside for x-rays. Then a dentist went over the results, telling me I needed a crown on one tooth. He left.

The woman handed me a scraper, told me I had 15 minutes to clean my own teeth. This is the new normal. I did the best I could. After finishing, I asked what to do about the plaque on the paper towel next to me. I was told that's my problem. Just remove it from the premises. They did give me a toothbrush and small tube of tooth paste.

My Indian Dentist

My Indian dentist tells me her butt is too big. I ask if she's ever seen Everest. She says no. I ask if Nepal is a separate country from India. She informs me it is, but very close like Mexico to us.
As she drills she asks if I'm okay and I nod. She is in her thirties with a family. Walks very fast. Loves taking x-rays. Two needles pinch me slightly.
I can feel her pushing down with her strong fingers.The way she gently but firmly gives orders and instruction to her assistant is quite erotic. I really need to nap, but she tells me to open my eyes. I do what she says. Her eyes are big and dark and intense.
I am at her mercy. She is a root canal specialist. I assume that is why she doesn't give me a free toothbrush afterwards like my regular dentist. If I discover others got one I will be crushed.
Driving home, numbed up, I contemplate the shape of her butt under the blue smock.

My Dentist

My dentist cancelled my appointment today. He was supposed to put a cap on a tooth. He had an emergency. The receptionist said she called and left a message. I must have been out.
He is from Syria and his female assistant is from Russia. I won't put up a stink because their accents scare me.
I kept my cool and rescheduled. The billing person responded to a question by informing me I saved almost a thousand dollars with my coverage. I still had to pay $536 for the rebuild and crown. It's a sign of my maturity that I drove all the way out there for nothing and kept my temper.
When I got home I checked my answering machine. No message. No indication she had called. I will seek her dismissal. Well, maybe she just dialed the wrong number. She's human. I just hope Syrian rebel forces aren't holding my dentist's family hostage and he had to fly back.

Dentist Roulette

Why do dentists hate me? Six dentists have dropped me in recent years. The reason they say is they no longer accept my insurance. I think something about me turns them off and that's just an excuse. I smell pretty good and my hair is combed. Maybe it's how I spit out into the cup.
I sit still for the x-rays and never flinch during cleanings. I ask sensible questions about gums and why are my teeth yellow. I am quiet in the waiting room and always pay on time.
The new dentist assigned to me put me on hold forever when I tried to make an appointment. The next time I got a voice message he wasn't in. I brush and floss every single day and use mouthwash. This remains a mystery. I think with the right equipment I can clean my own teeth.

Disappearing Dentist

My dentist has vanished. I spent a week calling and getting no response. Finally the phone company informed me the number was temporarily disconnected.
I am hesitant to drive past his office. What if there is police tape across the entrance? Is it possible he just snapped and went berserk on a patient with a drill? Did he do away with his receptionist? I wonder if he was secretly inhaling laughing gas, causing a disconnect with reality.
I liked my dentist. He didn't talk much and cleaned my teeth himself. He was gentler than the hygienists, who may secretly hate men and exact revenge by digging in under the gums. Maybe he served as a drug drop or sold illicit Poly dent. God, what if he wasn't really a dentist? What if he got off on x-raying teeth? Over the past three years he has filled no cavities. What if my mouth has been decaying all that time, while this fraud ignored obvious problems?
Now I have to find another dentist, preferably one without a sadistic hygienist.
Why do these things happen to me?