Word Scammed

A guy whispers he's got a great deal for me. He leads me into an alley and opens a box. Inside are slips of paper, each with a long word. He pats my shoulder. These are words that will boost your vocabulary and impress everyone. You will sound brilliant. Women will want to sleep with you. Believe me, I've used them to get  their digits. Choose one.
I hesitated, then took a slip. The word was excoriate. I shivered with excitement, repeated it several times. I was hooked.
I bought the whole box for $40. Got it home and began memorizing each word. I loved how each sounded coming out of my mouth.
It was when I went to the dictionary to look up their meaning that I discovered I had been scammed. None of these words--most of them anyway--actually existed. Meaningless gibberish. I cursed my stupidity.
I needed a plan. Just then I heard my mailbox close. I ran to the door and called to Willie, my mailman. Willie! Wait up. Have I got a deal for you.

Scammed

He knocked at 9am. Showed me a badge that said Department of Home Wildlife. He seemed harmless, so I let him in. He said he needed to do inventory, quickly withdrew a plastic object ,that when pointed at something, ticked.
He moved around scanning everything. Sometimes the ticks were soft, sometimes loud. After five minutes he told Joe he was under the approved limit. Of what? Joe asked.
Dust mites ,was the answer. He needed 400 per square foot and was well short.
We can do this hard or easy, the man said. I could fine you and take you in right now. Or, because we're compassionate, I have 60000 mites in my trunk I could sell you for $49.95. Your decision.
Joe swallowed. His body shook.
Do you give senior discounts? he asked
Do I look stupid? the man shot back.
Joe sighed and went to get his checkbook.