Sign Up Sheet

A guy can never have too much testosterone. Free shots and I'm there. Dr. Vinnie managed to inject me without destroying any important vessels and within days  my voice was deeper, hair grew in unlikely places, my energy level was elevated, I could pee stronger and my bowel movements were noisy in a manly way.
About a month later I realized Dr. Vinnie may have screwed up my dosage. I was so horny anything soft and mushy got me aroused. Dough, fleece, mashed potatoes, whipped cream, throw pillows, and one particular sheep at the petting zoo, which landed me in jail.
So I sit here in my cell waiting for my bail hearing, wondering what happened to those men who signed up after me. One resembled the ex governor of NY, but my eyesight is fuzzy.
Boy, that bath towel in the corner looks awfully soft.

Faking Testosterone

Men:
1.Do not shave between your eyebrows.
2.Grunt when getting out of chairs.
3.Never make Broadway musical references
4.Do not hesitate when confronted by a revolving door.
5.Kill spiders without remorse.
6.Never name your dog Pincus.
7.Never snicker when you can belly laugh.
8.Get yourself a belly.
9.Learn to whistle long and hard.
10.Master your beer suds.
11.Do not interrupt a woman with something on her mind.
12.No socks worn over the calf.
13.Challenge a teen to one on one basketball.
14.Slap on your cologne with panache.
15.Never use the word panache in front of other men.
16.Work on your handshake.
17.Wear plaid as often as possible.
18.Buy power tools.
19.Do not purchase a goldfish.
20.Do not turn your clock back just because you're told to.