Only Make Believe

I wasn't even half way through one of my short stories when people jumped up and left screaming. The librarian, when I approached her, threatened to mace me.
Out in the street I became disconsolate. How could I ever sell copies of my books when people fled my readings? Why hasn't Stephen King experienced this?
Later, at my favorite cafe, over a coffee, I asked Louise, my friend behind the counter, what my problem was.
"I've read your books and I sleep just fine. It's not your stories. It's you. You're a scary looking guy. You've got a spooky, nasal tone, threatening eyebrows, quick movements. You sneak up on people and there's an odd odor coming from under your shirt. Plus, those ears are right out of Roswell, New Mexico. You are creepy in subtle ways. Find a benign looking person to read your stuff."
I had to admit she was right. But all my writer friends look like they could audition for The Addams Family. I'd have better luck at a Transylvania train station.

Clown Parade

On Friday I went to the annual clown parade at Union Square Park and I've got some complaints.
First, the parade didn't start on time. There was exactly one clown there at 530pm. It took 15 minutes for the others to trickle in. I evaluate a clown's proficiency by how intensely frightened the chidren are around them. If a clown can't scare kids, what is the point? These clowns scared no one. Kids surrounded them, laughing and smiling and poking at them.
Let's be blunt--putting a rubber nose on does not make you a professional clown. Nuances are so important. Goofiness is not a quality that can be quickly adapted and portrayed, unlike stupidity, which pops up everywhere.
A crowd gathered, adults like myself with nothing better to do. My feeling is they were pretending to enjoy this mess. There were several hot women in the parade, but with that nose on, you had to look hard to find them.
If you're going to interact with the clown aura you must do it with reverence. Respect must be paid. This did not qualify and may have pushed the profession back ten years.
The parade was supposed to eventually end up in Brooklyn. Good. Brooklynites, unlike Manhattanites, will not stand for this farce. Rubber noses WILL be ripped off, lectures given, and possibly citizen's arrests will ensue. But of course the organizers will escape punishment free.

Miss Molly

I have nothing against Molly Ringwald. At one time I thought she was an interesting actress. Then she went to live in France and I lost interest. She still acts here and there. I believe she's on a cable show now.
My issue with her has to do with her writing. She released a collection of short stories. Now she has crossed over into my territory. Her publisher is Harper & Row. She got a review in the Times Book Review. Yes, the review was kind of negative, but these perks annoy me.
If we, as serious writers, have to compete with every celebrity or struggling celeb who decides to put out a book, we're sunk. Ringwald gets to appear at B&N to hawk her book. I can't even get in my local library. I mean this whole industry has become more about signing names than quality of writing. Soon Christina Ricci, Natalie Portman and Ryan Gosling will release tomes, novels, memoirs, poetry collections.
I'll tell you a secret about Ringwald. I saw a photo of her barefoot. She has chubby sausage toes.

Her Mail

The woman upstairs hardly ever empties her mailbox. The mail carrier gives up forcing more in and puts hers in mine. Her mail is usually more interesting than mine just from the envelopes. She also gets a Victoria's Secret catalog. I am an ethical person and it would be unethical for me to look through it. So I place everything in the hallway in front of her door.
What if it just lays there and no one brings it upstairs?
What if her box fills up again? Should I inform the super? She's overweight and I can usually hear her walking around and it's been pretty quiet. I haven't seen her enter or leave recently. What if she moved out and told no one?
God, what if she had a heart attack? She could be lying on the floor. I have to do something. I hate having to make these decisions. Maybe I'll wait one more day. In the meantime, I'll step into the hallway and just take a tiny peak at the Victoria's Secret. Who's gonna know?

Who Are These Guys?

I see them sitting alone in parked cars in parks. I see them standing outside stores and supermarkets. I see them at parades watching the crowd instead of the parade. I see them sitting in libraries not reading. I see them glued to seats in coffee shops pretending to work on their laptops. I see them at bus stops, train stations, marinas, walkways, picnic grounds, basketball courts. I see them walking slowly, eyes darting back and forth on crowded sidewalks in urban areas.
They are men, all men and none seem to have a discernible purpose.
I don't like this one bit. But I am hesitant to ask what exactly they are up to and I don't feel right calling a cop because who's to say whether most of these men are undercover themselves.
Still, I sense something nefarious is going on. They are planning something, either as a group, or individually. The other day I parallel parked near my walking route around a park lake and as I got out I spotted an elderly man sitting at the wheel directly behind me. He was monitoring me, I know it.
The question is why and who the hell are these guys?

Pinned

Celebrities I Know I Can Pin in a Greco Roman Wrestling Match

Wilfred Brimley
Abe Vigoda
Linda Hunt
Peter Dinkage
Danny DeVito
Spike Lee
Angela Lansberry
Kirk Douglas
Frankie Valli
Paul Simon
Paul Anka
Willie Nelson
Kristin Stewart
Ellen Page
Emma Watson
Sara Jessica Parker
Joan Plowright
Twyla Tharp
Debbie Fisher
Carrie Fisher
Eli Wallach

Book Trailer

My first book trailer is on You Tube. Type in Book Trailer-Twilight People or my name and you'll see it. It runs just over two minutes and consists of a bunch of photos corresponding with the stories in the book. A classical music piece plays in the backround as I narrate the introduction to the book.
I wanted my voice to be as creepy as the text and it is. You don't realize how you actually sound until you listen to something like this. I don't know if it will help sales. Sandi Sola, the person who created it, is so imaginative in her approach. She did her sister Vicki's trailer and that one turned out great also.
Publishing a book really is a team effort. I have begun the tough job of marketing, which involves making appearances, this for the second one, Plowed In--More Switchblade Stories. My next workshop is Sept. 17 at The Nutley Library--a workshop on flash fiction. I'm getting better at speaking in front of people. I don't make enough eye contact though. I'm afraid of losing my place in the text.
Anyway, I hope some of you will give the book a try. It's available through Scribbulations, Amazon and B&N.
Now I'm immersed in creating more stories, writing and writing, always writing.