Why does gum have to lose its taste so quickly? How can we extend the tangy experience? My chemist friend, Alonso, worked on that very problem. He mixed chewed gum into a beaker of chemicals. They needed volunteers to chew the previously chewed gum. I wasn't easy getting them, but eventually he did.
Every one of them emerged from the test room smiling and chewing. Alonso was overjoyed. He was ready to market this product when reports came in telling of side effects.
Boils appeared. Some spoke Mandarin. Walked backwards. Yodeled. Smelled like dill pickles. Teeth fell out and gums bled.
The great success was a mirage. I switched to Tic Tacs. Just let them dissolve and experience ecstasy.
Although, I always wanted to speak Mandarin.
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