Sunday, April 6, 2014

Gracefully Afraid

If a man is alone and sees a snake, he can scream and fold into a shivering fetal position. But if he is among other men he must stare down the reptile. Look around for a rock or stick and attack.
If a man is with a woman and a snake appears, grace must subjugate fear. First, he must clap a hand over the screaming woman's mouth. Then he should consider what Bing Crosby, Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly would do. Crack a joke, dance around the snake, sing on key.
I have conquered most of my fears--Ferris wheels, clowns, hot coffee, strange stains, lady bugs. That strange pattern on their shells connotes something evil.
So I gracefully deal with normal everyday fears, which leaves death.
I am more afraid of being left in the morgue unclaimed. Why? Because if I descend into dementia I know friends will abandon me. Before that happens I'll remind them ghosts exist and I will haunt them unless they spring for a respectful burial.
If I lose my mind, I'm sure I will do so gracefully.

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