Sunday, July 13, 2014

If Shoes Could Speak

Wear socks!
Great. You slide me off under the table, then rub her calf & I'm irrelevent.
We're going in circles. Ask for directions.
Stay away from that dog park.
Explain this dangerous attraction to sandals.
These inserts will not get you a date with Kate Upton.
Unstrap me immediately. You are a 300 pound lineman, not a petite woman. Work on your issues.
That's the fourth time you've stepped on her foot doing a simple two step.
I am not your size. Stop forcing the issue.
Could you shine me just once?
Please don't let that be a bunion.
Wearing lumberjack boots does not increase your testosterone.
Do all of us ballet slippers feel this vulnerable?
Are we going to kick another stupid ball for no logical reason?
You're an upgrade over my last owner--an old lady with a brood of nasty kids.
Hate to inform you, but your new boyfriend has been sniffing me when you're out of the room.

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