The Cleanse

I'm doing an emotional cleanse, where I wipe out bad memories and disappointments by closing my eyes and whispering BEGONE! five times.
So many rotten thoughts to figuratively wash away. The beatings in school, falling off my bike, stupid comments, my crush on nurses and flight attendants, rejection slips from editors, spilling food in restaurants, bad pick up lines. Inappropriate burps. Gone, all of them, out of my purified consciousness.
Once my mind is completely cleansed I can focus on the positive. I wish prune juice or grapefruit would speed this process. Every time I think I've tossed away all the humiliation, another bad memory pops up.
Some say failure and unhappiness are needed so we can appreciate the opposite. Bah! I reject that notion. In fact, I'm cleansing that absurdity right out of my mind.
One unexpected side effect of this cleansing is I've lost seven pounds. My head is actually smaller, more compact, which, unfortunately, makes my ears seem bigger.