Saturday, January 31, 2015

Dreadlocks

Like many white people I am on a waiting list for dreadlocks. It's a long list and, frankly, I'm sick of waiting. I tried growing my own, but they resembled 17th Century French drape tassels.
I follow black people with dreads, intercept them and inquire if they are planning to change their look. Invariably the answer is no. I offer money. I offer to teach them about white people stuff like ballroom dancing, fly fishing, ping pong, ski lifts, lettuce, swivel chairs, hockey, tie pins, square back hair cuts, etc. No dice.
I will remove my cap and try to guilt them by displaying my fire bombed scalp and my big ears. Dreads would solve both problems.
I don't have tattoos or smoke hemp, but that's easily corrected.
I'm staring at this women across from me with her glorious dreads. I wonder if she's curious about ping pong.

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