One day I realized I had only one stinking erogenous zone. Rather than pity myself, I formed a plan of attack.
I relish challenges and this was a doozy. I needed to find more hot spots on my body. I cleared off the kitchen table and put a select group of objects upon it.
A shoe horn, a nose and ear hair trimmer, a spatula, a corkscrew, feathers of varying size and thickness, shoe inserts, tomato sauce, a rubber mask, avocado skins etc.
I stripped and spent the next four hours trying different combinations, searching for arousal. The corkscrew under my armpit showed some promise. The tomato sauce burned my stomach. The rubber mask made me sweat. The nose and ear hair trimmer didn't quite fit where I wanted it to go.
I refuse to quit. Tomorrow is another day. One of these objects has to ignite my fire.
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