Blame Joe, the researcher. He spread the word gopher meat was delicious. He then created a GMO, genetically modified organism, mixing a gophers's DNA with that of a giant ground sloth.
The results were huge, ravenous, powerful gophers with energy and sexual appetite ten times that of normal gophers. Once let out into the wild with tracking tags, these beasts went berserk.
They dug giant holes to satisfy their reinforced genetic code. They copulated with insane speed. Soon the continent was covered with gangs of super gophers creating holes that threatened the infrastructure. Buildings collapsed, followed by roads and bridges. People sank into oblivion. The President ordered sniper units and National Guard to hunt these beasts. Citizens stayed huddled inside, shivering with fear.
Joe was fired. The country needed a scapegoat. Now he sits home and broods. He can hear them burrowing at night. His porch has collapsed and it's only a matter of time until his bed will sink into darkness and he becomes one with mulch.
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