If you're not part of a couple, Valentine's Day can be brutal. Here are suggestions how to keep from leaping off something or plunging into a despair that carries over into March when the bagpipes from all the St. Patrick's Day parades will raise your spirits.
1. Think of all the money you've saved not buying VDay gifts.
2. Think of all the money you've saved by not going on exotic vacations with your partner.
3. Add up all the farts the other person would have released while you were alone.
4. Remember all the successful single people who did not crumble over this day, like Ed Koch.
5. Career is always important.
6. You can pick up extra money babysitting for couples.
7. Think of all the losers who were married, like Sadaam Hussein and Stalin.
8. Stay positive. Spend that evening practicing kissing on your arm.
9. Do not go on Facebook, where every person you've ever wanted will post photos of themselves with their partner displaying smiles that declare, we're having sex tonight.
10. Play recorded bagpipe music until you fall asleep.
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