My smartest investment was Mandingo Man Scaping, which devised a sensor to measure length, width and density of foliage around a man's weed wacker. Just press the on button, point it and let the action begin.
My next favorite investment was the Alec Baldwin doll. Bring it to gatherings where people were not familiar with each other and were reticent to speak. Hit the on button and listen to the doll blowviate on every conceivable topic. If it doesn't shut off, put it in the closet and wait for the battery to run down.
I also invested in a naked Polish OOmpah band, which didn't do so well. Other smart investments included rum flavored coconuts, miniature packets of Spam, cholcolate covered watermelon pits, artichoke hearts shaped like flowers, and a mime centered podcast.
What can I say? I have the knack of picking winners.
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