When you purchase a parrot you expect it to imitate you in a respectful manner. My new parrot is not meeting standards. It is defective. It just sits in the corner of the cage, ignoring its perch, humming show tunes. Oklahoma, Brigadoon, The King and I.
Sometimes it dozes off and snores up a storm. I do have a Jersey accent. I read some of my published work to it and receive indifference for a response. Instead, it imitates Alan Rickman's character from the Harry Potter films just to spite me.
It only eats sushi and Spam and only drinks Red Bull. The other day it squawked "I'm Lonely." A decision. Do I return to the same store and risk getting another faulty parrot? Do I ignore its pain?
Damn. I should have stuck with my old pet, a lizard named Boris. Except I found myself imitating him and sticking out my tongue inappropriately, like at the opera.
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