duplicates

Al got home from the supermarket and, as he was putting food away, realized he had bought a liverwurst pack when he already had an unopened one. He cursed himself. Unlike American cheese, which can remain unspoiled for decades, liverwurst begins going rancid as soon as you take it out of the bag. Al recognized that he could either return the second pack and make up a reason, like it clashed with his vegetable bin, or tell the truth, which made him seem like an idiot. If he kept the liverwurst, he knew he'd have to make liverwurst sandwiches for the next three weeks straight, and by that time his ham and baloney would have gone bad.
Al did this a lot--buying something he already had. DVDs, cds, books, magazines subscriptions, canned goods. It was annoying, but he could always give the extra stuff as a gift. Adam Sandler Highlights is a dvd anyone would cherish. He could donate canned corn to the food pantry. You cannot donate liverwurst anywhere. But there was one incident he found especially upsetting.
He was in a coffee shop scanning the paper when he noticed a bearded, rather disheveled man reading a volume of essays by Karl Jaspers. Al felt he was well versed in German philosophers and when the man paused to sip his coffee, Al made a remark about a particular Jaspers point he was familiar with. The man smiled and leaned forward. "So you know Jaspers work?" And that was all the opening Al needed. For a good two hours they debated intricate points by a wide array of German thinkers from Heidegger to Gerhold to Becker, Ebbinghaus, Herbert Marcus, Rudolph Otto. Invigorated, Al suggested they should return to his house and continue the discussion. The man frowned and admitted he was living on the street. Al proposed he stay in Al's garage on a cot for an indeterminate period. Having this sort of intellectual company was invaluable to him, so this was no great sacrifice.
Alas, when Al arrived home and opened his garage door the realization hit him when Max jumped up and bellowed, "Who is this man?" The truth was Al had already collected an expert on German philosophers and forgot about him. Now he had two--Max and Carl. Both men eyed each other suspiciously while Al apologized. Carl turned to him, scowling. "You are sick pervert. You wanted a threesome."
"No, that's not my intention," Al protested. "It was an honest mistake." Neither believed him. "I know people like you," Max stated. "Always seeking a new high. A simultaneous three-way intellectual climax revolving around a Jacob Frohschammer theory."
"Frohschammer was an imbecile!" countered Carl. Max grabbed a snow shovel and swung it wildly at his adversary. Al managed to grab it away from him, but things had completely unraveled. Both men left in a huff. Al had not a single German philosophy expert to debate. He sighed, shut his garage and went inside to make lunch. The liverwurst was already going bad. Right then he noticed he had two containers of mustard, both unopened.