Inflatable

I bought an inflatable mattress. My old mattress felt like a village of gorillas made love on it. It looked like it was cluster bombed. I was embarrassed to drag it to the dumpster. I won't describe the stains because this is a family blog.
There is something soothing about Bed, Bath & Beyond. Piles of soft, cushion y things, display beds that moan mount me. Pillows that need a home. I wandered, searching for a cot, the same cot advertised online. As you may have guessed, they don't stock those. I don't order anything online, not even pizza. but I came upon a looping video demonstrating this inflatable mattress. It looked comfortable and at $149 for a twin the price was right. I tossed in a pad for $49 and my bill with tax was $213.
Last night I tried inflating it, but the pump sounded like an entire road crew drilling a sewer hole. So I waited until this morning. First I removed the old mattress. I kept the box spring, which looked third world. But I didn't want to just lay the inflatable on the floor where I'd be breathing in dust balls all night. Well, it took only about a minute and yousa! I had a new mattress. I covered it with the white pad, lay a white sheet over it, added a black quilt and subtracted two pillows, leaving me with two. I touched the control that regulates firmness and not much happened. I tried to make it softer and a noise was emitted from the pump that sounded like a fart.
Later I will take a nap. Instructions say sleep in the middle because the edges might deflate easier. Every half hour I keep checking to see if its still inflated. I won't tolerate a slow leak, like what happened with Elaine. Don't ask.