Thank you for choosing me to give your commencement address. I was a bit taken aback to have such a prestigious university select me, Wally The Wad Waskowitz, porn star, but who am I to question?
In a nutshell, here is my advice: control your erections. Yes, they are enjoyable, but at the wrong time they can impede your advancement in your chosen field, especially if you are working around animals. In fact, erections can be a problem just about anywhere--zumba classes, ferris wheels, road races, cooking demonstrations, surfing, poetry readings, crowded rooms, hula hoop competitions, bowling, doctor visits, on and on.
Keep control of your Willy Wonka and the world is your oyster. Easy on those oysters, though. We all know what can happen after oyster consumption.
That's about it. My check, please.
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