Our government paid farmers not to grow tomatoes because there was a cucumber shortage. Over the years, said farmers forgot how to grow tomatoes. Europe and the Americas refused to sell us theirs. Selfish bastards. The result is no more pizza pies. The final one is scheduled to be made this afternoon at a secret location outside Philly. Celebrities bid on one slice each at an exclusive auction. Trump, Sara Jessica Parker, Brad Pitt, Spike Lee, Ray Romano, Anna Wintour, and Tim Tebow were the winners.
Oh, at one point they tried presenting pizza with a twist. Different toppings. Artichoke hearts, sushi, sauerkraut, pecans, Garbanzo beans, broccoli etc.
No one bought into that nonsense. Unless contraband pizza starts appearing, another American food staple has bit the dust, which is where the damned tomatoes used to be planted. Meanwhile, stores are stuck with rotting cucumbers not even Africa wants.
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