Unsung Heros

I have great respect for toenail collectors. They traverse entire neighborhoods, carrying burlap bags, providing a vital public service. Formed in 1963 after it became obvious no one wanted to recover their clipped toenails, Toenail Collectors Incorporated has provided continuous dedicated service. We know toenails dead over six months are a haven for bacteria, as well as a pollutant.
These public servants pore over every inch of one's home, rugs, carpets, bathmats, under furniture in the sink and bathtub, using gloves, collecting hundreds, placing them in those burlap satchels and moving onto the next house, refusing tips, unlike the lint collectors, who mix navel and butt lint and stare you down until you give them a fiver.
Where to store all these curled up, brown clippings? Off shore toenail dumping has been considered. So what if a few fish die consuming them. As long as the turtles aren't harmed. At some point though, someone is going to have to start clipping the turtles' nails. Let's leave that to the next Administration.