Custer's Scout

My name is Rocco and I was chief scout for General Custer. I see that look on your face. Listen to me. There were extenuating circumstances.
I had told him that morning I had lost my eyeglasses. Plus I had waxy buildup in both ears. Couldn't hear a thing. He just shrugs and tells me to go do my job. What could I say? My backup, Victor Nunez, had gallstones and didn't even make the trip.
So I'm right smack in the middle of Little Bighorn valley, can't see a damn thing with all that dust, I'm squinting like crazy, one finger in my ear, trying to dig out as much wax as I can, praying I make the right decision.
Finally I give the signal to follow me and they come trailing along single file until the whole regiment is in this stinking rat hole. Suddenly I look up and every Indian in the universe is charging down the slopes, screaming like maniacs. I'm thinking, boy are we screwed.
I survived by playing dead.
All these years later I'm sitting in a bar commiserating with Ralph, who was President Lincoln's personal bodyguard. He keeps mumbling, "All I did was leave to take a pee. Three stinking minutes I was gone."