Greta-We have to talk, Lars.
Lars-We never talk.
Greta-I need more communication.
Lars-My beloved, I remind you I am a viking, fierce and strong. I conquer civilizations, roam far and wide, eat wild boar. We are not talkers by nature.
Great-I am unsatisfied in bed.
Lars-What!? Do you not enjoy being embraced in my massive hairy arms? Are my grunts not manly enough?
Greta-You are gone for weeks at a time. When you're home, it takes so long for us to unlayer all that fur, the moment passes.
Lars-Great God of Sea Cliffs! You have stunned Lars to his calf length wooly boots. What is the solution, my precious?
Greta-Stay home with me.
Lars-I would be a laughing stock. We vikings must keep exploring across seas and the frozen tundra, wind in our faces, rampaging, looting, striking fear.
Greta-I feel so alone.
Lars-What of that device I brought you from Greenland which keeps all the women happy when the men are gone?
Greta-I am not sure where to place it. What if I put it in backwards?
Lars-I will try it on myself first.
Greta-This I have to see.
Lars-Help me remove these furs.
Greta-When was the last time you washed them. Whew!
Lars-Vikings wash nothing. We are stronger than bacteria.
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