Monday, April 1, 2013

Easter Egg Hunt

Lee Marvin, Jack Palance and Charles Bronson led teams A, B, and C. Doris Day led team D. Ms. Day, rather than forcing her kids to train, simply hummed and told charming stories. The other three screamed commands as their troops barged through a series of calisthenics. They winnowed out the weakest, who ran crying to their parents, who in turn pleaded with Ms. Day to take the rejects. She did without hesitation. As a result, teams A, B, and C consisted of 12 hardened kids and she had 321 whining babies.
Because all the Beverly Hills property nearby was perfectly landscaped, there was no place to hide the eggs. So they paid overweight people from LA to participate and allow eggs to be hidden on their bodies.
Eventually the hunt had to be called off after three of Marvin's kids pinned one woman to the sidewalk and frantically searched her entire person. Unfortunately, she just happened to be an overweight crossing guard and not involved. No one was declared a winner, but Ms. Day invited everyone over to her place for milk and cookies. I was only eight years old and the excitement caused me to throw up on her lawn. Soon after, she retired from movies. I feel so responsible.

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