Anti-Light Goggles

I ordered anti-gravity shoes and they send me anti-light goggles. Please.
I wore them to the library and told them I had cataracts and they said not to leave the house until I was fully healed. Yeah. Creepy librarians. Without light I had visions. I saw myself crawling out from the bottom of a bowl of oatmeal. On bright days I sit on my porch feeling something Zen like moving within me. Or maybe I had too many baked beans.
I finally ordered the anti-gravity boots from another company and now I float above the crowds wearing my anti-light goggles. I've heard a religious sect has been created around me. About time.