Today I had to inform my old laundry bag it was being mothballed due to wear and tear. Its responsibility will be limited to containing my old bath mats until I'm ready to wash them. As you might expect, it didn't go well. There were protests and arguments and finally sulking, especially when I introduced it to its replacement, a yellow bag from Bed, Bath & Beyond. It suggested yellow wasn't masculine enough for a man's dirty clothes. I responded I was secure enough to ignore such drivel.
These are necessary actions if one is to proclaim independence while living alone. You can't wait for someone else to make these decisions. This extends to removing socks and underwear from the sartorial cycle and switching to newer models.
Some decisions are made for you. Anyone can see mold in a tomato sauce jar or mushy cucumbers in the vegetable bin. But exactly how long do you keep Vaseline and peanut butter?
Tomorrow I must confront my pot holders with the news they are to be replaced in March. I expect nothing less than a hissy fit, but a man must stand his ground. The new ones will be masculine black.
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