Bat House

I want my blog to be educational. So today I'll discuss how to build a bat house.
Proper site selection is key. You need to place your bat house at least 12 feet off the ground in an open spot, ideally facing south by southwest to maximize sun exposure. Bats enjoy tanning. Build it within one quarter mile from a drinking source like a stream or pond. Make sure there are enough insects around for snacking. Little known fact: bats love beer. Budweiser predominantly. Place your bat house within 100 feet of a treeline to provide cover from aerial predators. Our government has quietly been using drones to wipe out pesky bats, leading to the proliferation of pesky insects. Blame the Democrats.
Guano is a fancy name for bat crap. If you place your bat house above a pathway or patio, your guests will step in these droppings and eventually exclude you from future gatherings. But you can use guano as fertilizer or threaten your children with guano soup if they misbehave. The best place for them is on poles or buildings--the houses, not your kids.On trees, secure a metal predator guard around the tree below your bat house.
Having your bats sign a lease or just charging them by the month is up to you. If they demand repainting or electrical work, charge them a common fee. In the off season, when bats vacation in the West Indies, make sure no wasps set up nests in their house, unless the bats have a rental arrangement with them. Otherwise, hire a professional wasp remover to get rid of them. Or convince a particularly troublesome child that tree climbing is healthy. The wasps will do the rest.